Saturday, December 4, 2010

Trying again

Something that has been a great burden on my heart lately is each of you mothers that has had a child with spina bifida and may be thinking about trying for another child. This post is for you.

After Carson was born several people had made mention to me in regards to the fact that Carson would be my only child. Their lack of knowledge and understanding somehow led them to believe.
         1- I couldn't have more children
         2- I wouldn't be wanting more children.

Well, they were very wrong in their thinking. I definitely wanted more children, and as we all know having a child with spina bifida in no way affects your ability to have more children.

It does make things a little scarier and it does change your perspective of having a child.

After having Carson I decided not to return to birth control.... I am not opposed to it I just personally could not. So we decided that we would like to wait about 2 years before the next baby and we were going to be careful. :) LOL I found out I was expecting again when Carson was just nine months old.


Well I was regularly taking a prenantal vitamin and extra OTC folic acid. I was terrified to see my OB since he had very sternly instructed me to wait 2-5 years before trying again. When I did see him, I was shocked to find him super excited. I was scared for all the instructions I anticipated I would receive, but rather I left bewildered as everything was routine from my first pregnancy. He did give me a new prenatal Neevo ( which has something to help your body absorb folic acid) and a prescription folic acid. Then it was see you in 4 weeks.

I thought .... but the neural tube will be closed by then, and ..... what no extra precautions, instructions, testing... just see you in four weeks. Puzzled, and frightened I asked if I could return back in two weeks just for an update. He chuckled and said that would be fine.

I knew the days that would involve closure of the neural tube and I was scared beyond words... One of those days I forgot to take my prescriptions.... I cried because I just knew that now something would be wrong. I prayed because I knew the Lord was ultimately in control.

I went back for my next checkup and my OB obliged and took a look at the nothing that had changed sinced my last visit.

He then scheduled me for routine checkup in four weeks. I asked him about the perinatologist because I figured I would visit him often and be watched closely. No, We will set you up around 18 weeks.

Pregnancy has been pretty much just like Carson's. I've been sick, I've been tired, I've been scatterbrained, and I've been cranky.

On Wednesday, We saw the perinatologist. I was scared/excited. I could tell that my peri. felt the same way. He began the ultrasound and within a minute told us there were no defects involving the spine... definitely no spina bifida. Then he spent what seemed like 5 minutes looking over the heart/ tummy area. He was quiet and he let out a soft moan at least once. All I could do was pray and stare at the screen. Then he finally moved to the feet and said, "I am happy to tell you this baby is completely fine, and has no known defects."

At this news for some reason my heart stopped... very similiar to how I felt when I heard that Carson had his defect. It was surreal and it was amazing at the same time. After having a child with spina bifida I am carrying a child with no defects.

I have said all this ladies to encourage you... I know that if the choice had been left to me I may never had taken this leap of faith... rather postponed or excused myself into waiting just a little longer for our next child. But then, you know what, it would not have been God's perfect plan, and then we wouldn't be having this next baby __________ ( announcement of gender will be posted on our blog tomorrow 5pm PST)

Ladies, please know that you are not alone in your fears, nor are you less because of them. I want to encourage you, and I hope that is what I have done.


Kari said...

understood and felt every word!! was the hardest decision to start trying for milo. but wow i'm so glad we did!

Gretchen said...

God works in wonderous ways....

Even though my child after SB was a God child (my tubes were tied!) I experienced all the feelings you talked about here! And even though she was not "planned" she is a huge joy and blessing in our family and we would not be complete without her :)