Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What's the difference???

Carson is 3 months old. He loves to eat, and he loves to be held. He hates to take naps, He hates having his diaper changed, and he hates baths. He has good moments and horrible moments with the carseat, mostly bad if it's just me in the car and I'm trying to run an errand. He doesn't understand why I won't let him eat all day, or why I can't hold him when he's not eating. He smiles, and oh how his smile melts my heart. He cries, and oh how my heart just aches. He falls asleep in my arms, and though my arms ache, I hold him longer because I just want to stare at him. I can't believe that I am now a mom, and I can't believe that this little boy belongs to me. Somebody else holds him, and I'm slightly jealous, especially if he's smiling at them. He talks to me with oo or aa or agoo and though I am a very talkative person that usually dominates the conversation... I listen. He gets frustrated that he can't quite get a toy in his hand, and he loves when I hold his hand. He loves his daddy and he snuggles with his mommy. He's wonderful, and won't let me get a thing done. He wakes up at 5 am crying and goes back to sleep at 6 smiling. He hates to wear clothes; he looks so cute in his little jeans. He looks like his dad, but has his mom's nose. He drools, and smiles when he spits up on you. He loves the camera, and smiles at the picture of he and his mommy. He sticks his tongue out, and opens his mouth when you kiss him. He recognizes me- both my voice and my face, He smiles when you say "daddy". He stares at lights and loves looking out the window. He's my baby and I'd do anything for him. Raising a child who has Spina Bifida does come with some extra worries, extra concerns, and extra appointments, but as far as what's missing... I'm at a loss to find it. We often approach defects as though the incompleteness of what should have formed will equal an incompleteness in our lives with our child. As I can now say along with many other Spina Bifida moms, every blessing is there in abundance.

6 comments:

Holli (and Mark) said...

Beautifully true!!!

Heather said...

So true!

Joanna and David said...

Beautifully written. I feel ALL of that about my sweet boy as well. :) Sometimes I wish I could write a letter to my pregnant self explaining all of this and putting an ease to so many worries - but then I wouldn't be who I am - the mother I am - without going through those worries without answers - relying on faith and God. It is truly an amazing journey. :)

Kari said...

wonderfully written. thank you for sharing. so so true as everyone else has said

Leigh and Andy said...

Such a beautiful post. It is all SO true! Thanks so much for sharing it with the rest of us! :)

Dill Family said...

Beautifully written! That gives me chills! I hope my son grows up FEELING the joy I have in being his mom, KNOWING that in my eyes he is PERFECT!