Saturday, August 21, 2010

When the Road Seems Too Hard

"I know that God will not give me anything that I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much!"
-Mother Teresa

The past few weeks have been really challenging for me. I will confess that I have been struggling. I tried to write a positive uplifting post last week and it just wouldn't come. The truth is sometimes this journey is hard and difficult. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed and sometimes we may wonder if our faith is sufficient. This is all a part of our experience.

The past two weeks I have had moments when I said, "I wish God didn't trust me so much". I didn't want to make another decision or another phone call or hear another theory or make another appointment. I didn't want to wait for another answer. In fact yesterday, I gave myself permission to just cry. To experience my frustration and then let it go.

Then I came to this site and began reading all the blog entries of other families. I felt their joy when it was expressed and their sorrow as they are going through difficult times. I realized that we all have moments when the road seems too hard. But, we also, somehow, find the resolve and strength to pick ourselves up and carry on.

I asked myself this question... What does it mean to be the Mom of a child with Spina Bifida today? It means first that God above has faith in my abilities. It means somedays will be hard. It means that I will walk the halls of medical buildings and have to trust those who care for my child. It means longs nights of indescribable pain and other nights of laughter. It means that butterfly kisses are worth more than gold. It means cathing when you don't want to. It means maintaining routines. It means staying calm so Madilyn will not know how worried I really am. It means asking for help. It means crying over the little miracles of everyday. It means endless hours in prayer. It means my heart broken will be broken. It means joy. It means... snuggles are most precious. It's means..."I know that God will not give me more than I can handle!".

We have a busy couple of weeks of tests in preparation for our "Clinic" appointment in September. This week brings Urodynamics! Madilyn is not going to be happy about that! I will share our experience next week.

Best Wishes,
Madilyn's Mom


Kari said...

thank you so much for your honesty!! God's ways are not always our ways, but they are always the best!!

Lacy said...

Always nice to be able to come on here and see others go through the same things I am going through and can really understand me. Sometimes I just feel like Autumn never gets a break and it takes a toil on my heart. Thanks for your honesty and allowing me to remember it's okay to have some bad days along with the good ones and to always remember God is ENOUGH for all of our daily struggles.

Jen said...

funny thing is, sometimes it IS more than we can handle. He does that on purpose so that we are forced to rely on Him and acknowledge it was not by our own strength that we made it through, but by His grace.

Jen Potter
mom to Owen, age 3

Sandy said...

Well spoken! I feel this way often.