Thursday, July 22, 2010

Being Realistic Can Bite you in the Hiney

So I consider myself a pretty realistic person...okay well not always, but when it comes to Toby's medical condition. Realistic.

We read up on Spina Bifida. Researched his specific level. Talked to therapists, doctors, specialists. Anyone at all you would give us an answer on what his condition would look like down the road. We thought we had a pretty good grasp on it. Honestly, I thought I had a pretty excellent grasp on it.

I thought that realistic was the best way to be. Expect the worst and be surprised if something better happens. Well, sometimes being realistic can really bite you in the hiney. (rear, booty, butt) whatever word your family uses.

I know Ive written this before, but I feel like its so important Im going to write about it again. I have cried tears that never should have been. I mourned things that would not be in Tobys life that are most definitely in Toby's life. I ached over missed opportunities and activities that now are just normal for us.

Havent we all heard this? (or at least a lot of us) Your child might walk for a little while, with a walker or some type of device but will eventually be in a wheelchair full time. It's the way it goes with these kids.

Well, Id like to take this time to stick my tongue out at all of those people!!!

I believed what they said. Believed what they told me based on their "medical expertise" And then I mourned the things I was told we would miss out on. Toby never walking by himself, Toby using a wheelchair majority of the time.

Now, yes there is a point where you have to be realistic about your child's condition, BUT COME ON!! Don't slump your shoulders in defeat. Don't nod your head at every Doctor and assume they know. Get up and Push your child and if you have a therapist who isnt pushing your child FIND A NEW ONE!!!

I dont always give you guys the reason for why I write what I write, but today I am. Today Toby stood BY HIMSELF for the first time. No walker, no table, no arm crutches. BY HIMSELF. Today I was told "Your son should be walking by himself in no time!" I walked out of that office in shock. Is this really my life? Is this really Toby's life? Did he really just do that? Is this really going to happen?
And then I thought, What would have happened if we hadnt ended up with an incredible therapist. What would have happened if we had lost our last one and ended up with one who was content to help him in his walker, and help him in his chair? I would have trusted them and would have assumed that everything was going according to plan. It would have been the realistic route.

I say they can take their realism. I'm ready to push and reach and dream. I'm ready to picture my son with out a walker. You know? Is it going to hurt if it doesnt happen? Yes. Will I cry? Most likely. But no more than I have already cried being realistic.

So I say we stop taking large doses of realism and start being willing to dream a little. Dont letting being realistic bite you in the hiney.


Mom of The Fields Five said...

Kari...if I could stop the tears from streaming down my face long enough, I might say something profound. However, I will just say I did a happy dance for you! That is awesome! One step at a time.... Dream on Girl!

Scasmflops said...

YAY!!! I am also crying as I read this... In fact, its the 4th or 5th time ive cried today since I was doing alot of what if... and he wont.. and how are we going to... Thank you for this post. Thank you, friend. GO TOBY!!!!!

Lisa @ Heaven Sent said...

What an inspirational post. Thank you so much for writing it!!! Go, Toby, go! :)

Holli (and Mark) said...

AWESOME post and AWESOME toby!!!!!

Stephanie said...

Way to go Toby! What a great post...I do lots of research, too but try to take it all with a 'grain of salt' and remember that anything is possible. Obviously, it is! :)

Anonymous said...

WOW! That made me all teary, too! Way to go Toby!

Gretchen said...

I may be late on the boat on this one, and have a son a little older than you I think, but I have learned to lsiten to what Drs say, respect their knowledge and lay it at God's feet willing to do WHATEVER is necessar for my son.... YES Toby!! That he stood. Go family! Take that victory and run, who knows how ling you will be running with a special boy and God on your side!

Today, for the first time in a long time, I had a Dr look at me and say "Good job Mom!" You see they are usually so busy trying to stuff reality down my throat that they don't see that I am trying to open their eyes to the endless possiblities! Today I got the affirmation I needed when someone saw (finally!) what I have been pointing out for so long... so don't stop dreaming, don't stop advcocating for your child and don't miss the miracles you WILL see :)