I am a new contributor to The Journey, and I am more than honored to be here. I know I have already learned so much from the awesome moms who have shared on this blog, and I can only hope that our story might help others as well.
I am 38 weeks pregnant with my third daughter, who we have named Brooklyn Hope. At our 18-week ultrasound, we found out that she has Spina Bifida. Specifically, she has myelomeningocele, as well as clubbed feet and hydrocephalus. Of course, this was a total shock. We have two healthy little girls, Emma (4 years old) and Kendall (2 years old), and both pregnancies were very easy. In fact, this whole pregnancy was a total surprise. We thought we were perhaps done at two children, but clearly God had other plans.
And, honestly, that is what has made this whole experience a blessing in so many ways. My Christian faith has taken on a whole new meaning since we found out about Brooklyn. Yes, the night we found out about her condition was one of the worst nights of my life. I cried and cried all night long. My heart ached more than I ever thought it could, and my mind kept replaying the ultrasound appointment over and over in my head. It was like a movie reel I just couldn’t stop.
But then the morning came, and God literally picked me up. He carried me through the night, but now He was ready to guide me, to help me take the first step of our journey with my eyes focused on Him. And I haven’t been the same since.
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I can honestly say I have never once been mad at God for giving our family a child with Spina Bifida. Not once. Why would I be mad? She is my child, and I love her no matter how He has decided to make her. The question has never been “why?” for me. Because, honestly, why not? We have two healthy children already, and we can take care of Brooklyn. No parent or child deserves to go through this, so why not us?
For me, the question has been “how?” On my “bad days,” the “how” can overwhelm me as I try to imagine what life will be like when Brooklyn arrives. How will I be able to balance the Mommy time between all of my girls? How can I possibly watch my baby struggle through life? How can we afford all of the ongoing medical needs? How am I going to manage all of the stress, all of the heartbreak? And on and on and on…
Thankfully, I have been able to find the answers to most of those questions through my faith. There are so many ways God has already used this experience to bring me, my family, and others closer to Him that I am overwhelmed. He has truly made me feel blessed to be the Mommy of this little angel, and I can’t wait to meet her. Yes, I am scared of all the unknowns and the challenges ahead, but more than that, I am excited to rub those little feet and look in her eyes and know that she is truly meant to be a part of my life.