Hi all! I have been MIA for quite a few weeks now, and there are several reasons for that -- work, the holidays, family obligations, a baptism, a shunt...
Yes, Miss Brooklyn ended up with a shunt. I have been okay with it for the most part, but I have needed a little time to get to a good place about it. Not that I was ever in a bad place. I just wanted to be truly okay before I went writing.
Don't get me wrong, I want to be real with my feelings, but I also like to take some time to reflect and make sure that my words are glorifying God. Until I get to that place, I tend to be quiet.
I can't say I was mad about the shunt; I was just, well, disappointed.
I know a shunt is a good thing when it is needed. I know it saves lives. I know it is saving Brooklyn's life right now. But my husband and I were so programmed into trying to avoid the shunt, that I somehow thought we weren't going to need it.
That Brooklyn was going to be the exception.
So many were praying for that very thing, but obviously, that wasn't God's plan. And as every day goes by, I can see why.
Miss Brooklyn is a much happier baby these days. Of course, she looks better -- her head size has gone down and her veins are less prominent -- but she also seems more comfortable. She smiles all the time and sleeps great. She has strong head control and is interacting with toys. She is still my Brooklyn - she hates having her diaper changed and prefers her Mommy ALL.THE.TIME. -- but I can tell the shunt is supposed to be a part of her.
She needed it.
I can say that now.
Funny how something that looks and feels so unnatural is truly improving her quality of life. Medicine is an amazing gift, and as much as every ounce of my being felt like this "machine" had no place in my baby's head, I can see now how God has used medicine to provide healing.
Yes, I wanted Him to be the healer, but I will accept the alternative He offered us and better yet, I will be grateful for it.
My heart needed to catch up with my head, but I am finally at the point where I accept that this "machine" needs to be a part of Brooklyn just as much as her legs, her fingers, her heart. All work together to give my daughter the life He intended.
I was disappointed, and if I am being honest, I think I always will be. But I will continue to trust, to have faith, and to hope. And why wouldn't I? Every morning, I am greeted with the most beautiful little smile that constantly reminds me that everything is more than okay.
Everything is exactly how it should be.
~Lisa (@ Heaven Sent)