Yes, Miss Brooklyn ended up with a shunt. I have been okay with it for the most part, but I have needed a little time to get to a good place about it. Not that I was ever in a bad place. I just wanted to be truly okay before I went writing.
Don't get me wrong, I want to be real with my feelings, but I also like to take some time to reflect and make sure that my words are glorifying God. Until I get to that place, I tend to be quiet.
I can't say I was mad about the shunt; I was just, well, disappointed.
I know a shunt is a good thing when it is needed. I know it saves lives. I know it is saving Brooklyn's life right now. But my husband and I were so programmed into trying to avoid the shunt, that I somehow thought we weren't going to need it.
That Brooklyn was going to be the exception.
So many were praying for that very thing, but obviously, that wasn't God's plan. And as every day goes by, I can see why.
Miss Brooklyn is a much happier baby these days. Of course, she looks better -- her head size has gone down and her veins are less prominent -- but she also seems more comfortable. She smiles all the time and sleeps great. She has strong head control and is interacting with toys. She is still my Brooklyn - she hates having her diaper changed and prefers her Mommy ALL.THE.TIME. -- but I can tell the shunt is supposed to be a part of her.
She needed it.
I can say that now.
Funny how something that looks and feels so unnatural is truly improving her quality of life. Medicine is an amazing gift, and as much as every ounce of my being felt like this "machine" had no place in my baby's head, I can see now how God has used medicine to provide healing.
Yes, I wanted Him to be the healer, but I will accept the alternative He offered us and better yet, I will be grateful for it.
My heart needed to catch up with my head, but I am finally at the point where I accept that this "machine" needs to be a part of Brooklyn just as much as her legs, her fingers, her heart. All work together to give my daughter the life He intended.
I was disappointed, and if I am being honest, I think I always will be. But I will continue to trust, to have faith, and to hope. And why wouldn't I? Every morning, I am greeted with the most beautiful little smile that constantly reminds me that everything is more than okay.
Everything is exactly how it should be.
~Lisa (@ Heaven Sent)
6 comments:
Our Annabelle had a shunt placed at birth with one revision 6 months later. Now entire weeks go by without us thinking about it. There is also an emerging procedure called a third ventricalostomy which Annie had done that may render the shunt unnecessary. The info is here: http://thedawgrun.blogspot.com/2009/01/medical-update-12009.html
Brooklyn was 4 1/2 months old when she got her shunt. We were presented with the third ventriculostomy as an option -- in fact, an hour before her shunt surgery -- but we decided it was too risky and the success odds were too low for children with SB. Still, it will be interesting to see if there are some success stories as more and more people try it as an alternative.
Lisa-- this is fantastic... and I've missed you!
As it was explained to us, the 3V has a low success rate the first time around (the hole closes up) however, on each successive try, the odds go up as they recreate the hole through the scar tissue.
The bummer is, there is no definitive way to tell if the shunt is draining the fluid or the 3V is so usually they will leave the shunt in place until the shunt is well beyond it's life expectancy and then they consider removing it temporarily to see what happens.
For us, it has provided a measure of peace because we know that the shunt isn't necessarily the only thing Annie is depending upon.
As it was explained to us, the 3V has a low success rate the first time around (the hole closes up) however, on each successive try, the odds go up as they recreate the hole through the scar tissue.
The bummer is, there is no definitive way to tell if the shunt is draining the fluid or the 3V is so usually they will leave the shunt in place until the shunt is well beyond it's life expectancy and then they consider removing it temporarily to see what happens.
For us, it has provided a measure of peace because we know that the shunt isn't necessarily the only thing Annie is depending upon.
Thank you for sharing. I love how you write. I really relate to you.
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