Finding Gratitude

Time seems to slip through my hands sometimes. I missed my post last Saturday and couldn't figure out where the day went. I do that sometimes....especially when I am feeling stressed. When I am in this mode, its all about survival in a way. Sometimes it is just making it from sun up to sun down.

When I realized that days were getting by me, I had to stop myself. I literally had to say out loud....STOP....BREATH....and RE-EVALUATE. Kinda like the stop, drop and roll saying we all learned in Kindergarten from the fire man who came to teach us about fire safety. I have learned this week that there is power in those words.

Spina Bifida does not take a Holiday. I hope that my thoughts do not come across as "complaining" in any way as I attempt to express my feelings.

On Thanksgiving morning, I was still at work. I was on my run and was scheduled to arrive home at around 7:30 am. My husband was going to put the Turkey in the oven for me around 7:00 am. I had spent two days prior preparing as much as I could because I knew that I would be really tired on Thanksgiving Day. My mind was filled with all kinds of thoughts as I was driving. I was thinking of the baby I had lost on Thanksgiving morning several years ago. I was thinking about Madilyn. I was hoping she was sleeping peacefully. When I left for work around 11:00 pm the night before she was not feeling well. I was thinking about her broken foot and the conversation I had to have with her Neurosurgeon. I was reviewing her upcoming appointments for her MRI on Dec 6th and her next appointment with our Orthopedic Surgeon on Dec 9th. Then I was troubled that she would miss all the fun stuff at school in the month of December. I had promised her that she would not miss a thing this year...... I was thinking about how frustrated I was with Urology. Then.....all my thoughts stopped.

Me and my car were up on its right side in a ditch. The wheels on the left side where up in the air. I am not sure what actually happened. I was perfectly fine. My car just neatly slide in the ditch and it was fine. Without boring you with all those details, I will say this. I was only delayed about an hour and a half getting home and I was sooo embarrassed by the entire event.

Now, what did I learn......

STOP, BREATH and RE-EVALUATE. The entire night I was so consumed with everything that was going wrong. I was also fretting that it is the Holidays and why does Madilyn have to deal with this stuff right now. I was probably just overly tired because this in not my normal train of thought but my experience of hanging in the air in my car brought me back to my center.

As I sat, waiting for the wrecker, my boss and a surprise visit from a firetruck and 4 police cars, I started counting blessings.

I am grateful for those who love and care from my Madilyn. I am grateful for phone calls that get returned and appointments that get scheduled quickly when things arise. I am grateful for the skillful hands of her surgeons that have been able to preserve function and have been able to make her life better when function has been damaged.

I am grateful for Madilyn's smile. I am grateful for my two older children, Berkley and Tyler, who patiently endure the up and downs of Madilyn's medical challenges.

I am grateful for my husband...who quietly stands by my side and holds me up when I get so rattled. I am grateful for him putting my turkey in the oven on Thanksgiving morning when I was in a ditch. I am grateful for his faith when mine is weak.

My list goes on and on..... By the time everyone arrived on the scene I was smiling and grateful for the blessing of my life.

No Spina Bifida does not take a vacation during the holidays. But, after I stopped and took a deep breath, I realized that we can have a wonderful holiday season not matter what comes our way. This was something I already new. But, I somehow I had lost sight of.

We had the most wonderful Thanksgiving ever. Our family arrived from out of town and our home was filled with love. I found my center and thanked the Lord above for his safe keeping.

May the blessing of gratitude fill your home during this most wonderful time of the year!
Best Wishes,
Jill aka....Madilyn's Mom