Saturday, May 22, 2010

Out of Place......but finally Home!

Yesterday I had one of those "out of place" moments. I am sure at some point each of you have had one or will have one. It was Kindergarten Awards Day at Madilyn's school. All the parents and grandparents filled the gym in eager anticipation of seeing their super star walk in. My husband was unable to attend so I sat by myself surrounded by people I didn't know. The awards presented were for "Attendance". I could see Madilyn turn and look at me with excitement. She wanted an award so bad. I could see it in her eyes. That is when the tears started. I had no tissues and tried to wipe them as fast as I could. There would not be a perfect attendance award for Madilyn or a gold award either. If there was an award for the most days missed from school, she would have earned it. I lost count at 67.Memories of this past school year flooded my mind. The beginning of the year was disastrous. Each day was filled with tears and begging us not to make her go. She was struggling with the loss of control of her bowels and bladder. She also lost her ability to write. We knew something was wrong. Something was shutting down her right side again. Two weeks after the start of school she had to endure a 6 hour spinal surgery. Her doctors had high hopes that she could return to school in two weeks. Two turned into four and six weeks in a wheelchair. She also had a broken foot that just wouldn't heal. Returning to school was still hard and tears still flowed.

Soon she began to have more confidence. I remember the day that we decided it was time for her to walk into the school by herself.

Our school calendar was full of appointment dates and tests. She had to miss a lot of major events at school because of all those appointments.

Spring brought her bowel surgery and all of the complications we would have never expected. She spent three weeks in the hospital total and missed another month of school. But, she was so happy to go back. Madilyn had found her place. Somehow in the the mist of all her appointments and two major surgeries this school year, she found her place.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as they stood and sang to the audience. Joy radiated from the faces of those students. We were invited to attend the class parties that were being held directly following the assembly. Madilyn did recieve and award in her class.She received the "Determination Award". She was so happy. After the party was over, we were given the option to check our children out early. She wanted to stay at school. She found her place and was at home in her surroundings. She gave me a kiss and down the hall I went.

Those tears came again.....tears of joy for Madilyn. I was not afraid of those tears now and I didn't care if anyone else understood them or not. I may have looked out of place in a crowd of happy parents but I finally felt like I was finally home. I wondered if I would ever get to this point. I have felt more at home at Children's Hospital then anywhere else. Madilyn and Mrs. Blackman

Last night as I was tucking Madilyn in the bed, she asked me why she got that award today. We talked about all the things she had been through since August. I told her..."Madilyn, you never gave up and kept on going!". "What about next year Mom", she said....The only thing I could say is we will see what next year brings us. She then gave me a hug and a kiss and drifted off to sleep.

We are out of the eye of the storm once again. The waters are calming. We have our daily obstacles and new routines that we are still adjusting to with her MACE. We will use this time to prepare because the one thing I have learned over the past 6 years is....crazy is always around the corner and there is no place Home!


HennHouse said...

OMG! Tears here, too. So beautiful. Congrats to Madilyn AND her mom.

Holli (and Mark) said...

wow, sooooo powerful, brought tears to my eyes just reading this. Congratulations on navigating this past year and prayers for only calm waters ahead!!! Holli