Madilyn proceeds to undress and turns and looks at me and says...."How long do I have to do this flushing stuff?" Of course I said, what do you mean? Her response was..."I mean when do I get to quit this stuff".
For a brief moment I stopped and looked at her sweet face. I caught myself before the tears started running down my face. Of course, she then said...."Are you about to cry Mom?".....ugh, NO! I told her this was just something she would do for a long, long time.
She then said..."So, are you telling me that when I am 103 I will still be flushing!".....All I could do was smile.
I just pushed the conversation aside until I was working in the middle of the night. Sometime around 3:00 am as I was on my run for work, out of the clear blue I started crying at the thought of what life will be like as she gets older. I have never allowed myself to go there before. It was so overwhelming that I pulled my car off the road to compose myself.
I had a real human Mommy moment. The kind of moment I keep from the rest of the world. Most people think I just have it all together and they call me supermom. But, this supermom has her moments. I realized that I can't answer all her questions. I have no idea what next week, month or year will bring us.
Today, I ditched any plans of cleaning house and grocery shopping. Instead, the girls and I took a road trip into the GA Mountains and went to an Apple Orchard while the boys went to a college football game. We laughed and sang and looked at all the beautiful colors of the trees. We bought apples, apples, and more apples. We drank apple drinks and ate fried apple pies. Then we went to a pumpkin patch and found the best pumpkins ever and Madilyn rode a pony!
Today, we just lived. Lived in the place we are at this moment in time for Madilyn. We created our own normal complete with our emergency supplies and back up plans. What a day it was!
4 comments:
I LOVE this post. Love, love, love it!!!! Thank you so much for sharing. Your honesty is beautiful, and your courage to turn it into something joyful is inspiring. You are supermom when you rise above those moments. God bless you and your little Madilyn today and every day until she is 103!! :)
I think it is so, so, so common for kids her age (who have SB) to start realizing that this SB stuff is not going away. It's a hard time. And from everything I've read, one of the best ways to help them through it is to keep them very active and make sure they have interests and activities to give them that self-esteem to get them through hard times.
It has to be heartbreaking though. I am not looking forward to these conversations with Nate.
Great job handling things!!!! There are many times I want to hang up my supermom cape and just break down. I thank God for the support I've found through other SB moms!!!
I love this post! Thank you for sharing. I will remember this for a long time.
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