Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with Madilyn that I wanted to share with each of you today. It was bath time. This is when the evening routine kicks in. We no longer...just take a bath. First on the list.....flush her bowels out through her MACE.
Madilyn proceeds to undress and turns and looks at me and says...."How long do I have to do this flushing stuff?" Of course I said, what do you mean? Her response was..."I mean when do I get to quit this stuff".
For a brief moment I stopped and looked at her sweet face. I caught myself before the tears started running down my face. Of course, she then said...."Are you about to cry Mom?".....ugh, NO! I told her this was just something she would do for a long, long time.
She then said..."So, are you telling me that when I am 103 I will still be flushing!".....All I could do was smile.
I just pushed the conversation aside until I was working in the middle of the night. Sometime around 3:00 am as I was on my run for work, out of the clear blue I started crying at the thought of what life will be like as she gets older. I have never allowed myself to go there before. It was so overwhelming that I pulled my car off the road to compose myself.
I had a real human Mommy moment. The kind of moment I keep from the rest of the world. Most people think I just have it all together and they call me supermom. But, this supermom has her moments. I realized that I can't answer all her questions. I have no idea what next week, month or year will bring us.Today, I ditched any plans of cleaning house and grocery shopping. Instead, the girls and I took a road trip into the GA Mountains and went to an Apple Orchard while the boys went to a college football game. We laughed and sang and looked at all the beautiful colors of the trees. We bought apples, apples, and more apples. We drank apple drinks and ate fried apple pies. Then we went to a pumpkin patch and found the best pumpkins ever and Madilyn rode a pony!
Today, we just lived. Lived in the place we are at this moment in time for Madilyn. We created our own normal complete with our emergency supplies and back up plans. What a day it was!