Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Victim Mentality

I was enjoying a talk with another mommy today. And we got on the subject of being a victim. (or at least acting like it) funny thing is we were talking about our children acting like a victim.

How easy is it for us to sometimes feel sorry for ourselves? Maybe we dont admit it outloud and maybe we dont admit it even internally easily. But sometimes we can play the victim.

Oh life is hard sometimes. We have therapy appointments, it takes extra thought and work to just about anything when you have a child with special needs. I recently went to the pumpkin patch with everyone and let me tell you we had a blast. The kids were good and they loved it. But if I'll be totally honest, I went home and pouted. I was the victim. Everything was harder for me. I had put Toby in and out of the stroller 50xs. I had to help him up about 25xs. I had to fix his arm crutches probably a 100xs and I was exhausted by the end of it. He got stuck on hay, had a hard time balancing and everything just took longer. I look over and see other people having their kids run around doing things easily, picking up their babies and laughing having a great time. Well I had a great time, but that great time was HARDER! I wanted to pout. And I did for a minute or two. : )

It's easy to play the victim when life is hard, legitimately hard. But what message am I sending to my son. Play the victim hon. Life is hard, lets be sad about our hard life. Lets just sit in all our gloom and misery and be sad. Blaaaaaaa!!! Bad mommy red flags popping up everywhere. That is not what I want to teach Toby. I want him to say, Look how awesome that pumpkin is. Look how great this maze is. Look at the animals. Look at anything and everything but himself!! I should have come home and said, Look how amazing, Yes I secretly packed his walker just in case the dirt and hay were too hard with the arm crutches, but hey I didnt even get it out of the car, I had great friends who ran after Milo while I helped Toby, We got to have an amazing time.

Anyway, I know we have all been focused on thankfulness for our children and been focused on the hope and joy and the amazing life we have. And we Do!! I do!! But I also want to keep the honesty, because some days are still hard. No matter how amazing, how much hope and how much joy. Sometimes we still have to fight the feelings of blaaaa and the feelings of being the victim. Really whose gonna want to be our friend if we dont fight it? : )



Joanna (and David) said...

It's a fragile balance - but I'm glad we all have each other to keep our perspective and give/receive support. :) What blessings we have been given in each other and our children.

Scasmflops said...

great post!!! you are so right in that we are their example and our attitude will reflect in them thank you. this challenged me. love ya girl!!!

Nicole said...

Oh so true... it is hard, but we must set the example and strive to be as brave and determined as our amazing children!!! :) Thanks for the reminder, Kari!

Gretchen said...

Great post...

And so true!!!

Everything is just a bit harder, and some days I truthfully find myself saying "I am too tired today, we are going to do this becasue it's easier." And you know what? That is OK too! Sometimes I think we gloss over the hard feelings, and that is not ok. We have to embrace them to know how great th highs are :)

Thank you for your honest and thoughtful post :)