A tiny glimpse

Sometimes I wish I had a glimpse into the future when I was pregnant with Toby.
Sometimes I am glad I didnt.
Sometimes I wish I could have sent myself now back to tell my pregnant self some things about how our life would be.
Sometimes I am glad I couldnt.

I dont think I could have been able to grasp the feeling of a doctor taking your baby out of your arms for a surgery.

I dont think I could have handled knowing the frustrations of people saying stupid things.

I wouldnt have been able to comprehend all then ends and outs of potty time at our house.

But you know what I wish I could have seen and could have known.

What it would feel like to see my child walk for the first time after 3 years of therapy.

What it would be like to watch my child laugh and play and learn just like any other kid.

What it would feel like to see my child get handed a trophy after playing tball.

I wish I could have had those glimpses. I wish I could have understood those parts. To see his face and to see all of our faces. The happiness. The joy and the amazement of what our lives have begun.

There are parts of my life with Toby that I'm glad I couldnt see and couldnt understand because I wouldnt have understood the parts of my life that make those hard parts so incredibly worth it.